It is written in the French Constitution that all babies must have participated in a demonstration by the time they reach 3 years old. And, as they progress to the advanced age of 7, they must have thrown a) a brick or b) a Molotov cocktail at a police officer or police vehicle.
What is so hauntingly strange about the French is that, with the feminine flounciness of their lovely language, their blood-curdling insults sound like a shower of rose petals, wafting on the sighing breeze of summer. “I’ll slice off your ears, you fascist pig!” becomes “Let me plant butterfly kisses on your furrowed brow”.
I’d bet my house (if I owned one) on the fact that you could name the President of France but I’d also bet your maison on the fact that you could not name the French PM (no googlepeeking!!). The PM generally lasts about 25 minutes in office as, with every violent demonstration or economic crisis that occurs, he (I can’t remember a she) resigns from office, citing lack of suitable underwear/unable to support 2nd family/no fucking clue how to deal with the crisis.
These financial crises obviously find their way to the Élysée Palace as poor Emmanuel Macron only has one tie – the black one. Maybe his wife could stop spending half the GDP on wigs and bags; that would free up enough for Manny to head down to Tie Rack. But he is a good-looking devil, is he not? One could not fail to notice Donald Trump eyeing him up lasciviously. That 2-hour handshake was Donny trying to drag Manny into this Mar-a-Lago lair of iniquity. Manny’s time is nearly up so I’m calling it now – Macron to be the next Zero Zero Sept!! “Mah naime es Burnd, Jhaimes Burnd”. The franchise could go full-froggie with Brigitte Macron as M and Marine Le Pen as the Blofeldian arch-villain.
Now, to the riots. As the poor students have to take classes while sitting cross-legged in an open field or in the smoking remains of the town hall, and the tablets they are forced to use are made of clay (cuneiform has made a comeback) one can understand that they manned (or womanned) the barricades (barricade-making is a subject that all French kids study at primary school), demanding that more money be spent on them. Fair enough, but I must remind them, along with the whole population of the French Republic is that the money that you are demanding to be spent must come from somewhere!
Those delightfully gentle and considerate riot police went about their job in a thoroughly professional and sympathetic way; tickling the students who were causing an obstruction and having a 3-hour debate with others over the boulders that their homemade trebuchets were lobbing at police vehicles. Some called for a Napoleonic “whiff of grapeshot” but this was watered down to serving some Bordeaux grapes to the protestors, exhausted after 3 minutes of shouting and waving placards.
Contrary to what many ‘people’ believe, a government can only spend what it gains in taxes. It cannot simply print money. Ok, it can spend more, but is has to borrow the money and pay credit-card interest. At present, France’s national debt stands at nearly 3.5 trillion euros, with the debt at 115.16% of GDP (that is not the updated figure). Why is this? Where’s all the dosh going? I’ll tell you where some of it goes – French education is free. Merveilleux! You may say. Mon dieu, if only that were the same in my country. But education costs a bloody fortune! Also, French students get a lovely fat bourse to go and study in cheapie countries like Mexico on exchange; the eye-watering figure corresponding to the monthly income of several ‘what the hell is a condom?’ families.
The French can retire at 32 after working for 23 minutes in a job. Over a million people took to the streets in 2023 to protest against the government raising the retirement age to 32 and 3 months. The Brits get their measly crumbs of a pension at 86.The Danes now can only draw their pension after they’re dead. In other countries, people have to to pay the government to retire.
To the French people – WAKE THE HELL UP! All the cars and property that you destroy or damage are INSURED. As the insurance companies have to pay out for the claims, that means they will raise your premiums, meaning that you will be worse off and this will RAISE the cost of living even more! Isn’t education supposed to make people more knowledgeable and intelligent?
If you want the cost of living to come down then accept the reality of your national situation and stop expecting something for nothing.
As usual, the student protests were hijacked by agents provocateurs – no coincidence that the expression is French.
