JD ‘Maybeline’ Fancy Vancy: It’s great to be back in Munich yet again. I lurve Munich; my wife and I lurve Munich; I lurve the people so much; we lurve the Munichia…Munchin…Munchkin people so much. I know I shook y’all up last time when I said that you were all a bunch of commie, baby-murdering Nazis an’ I have returned to tell y’all that, where ah’m from, you’d be all strung up from a tree bah now…

Ursula von der Leynenyourpocket: It’s this wanker again. Why is he here again and why the hell is he wearing more make-up than me?

Cool Prez MacroNapoleon: And to sink zat ma country helped zem get zer independonce from ze Rosbiffs.

Fancy Vancy: …that Supreme President MacTrump is the Leader of the Free Universe and he will make y’all free, free from the tyranny of woke, wishy-washy, anti-God, anti-guns, Bible-denying, transgender abortion clinics…

NATO Secretary General Mark ‘MTV’ Rutte: He’sch the VIP with backwoodsch zip. I liked that seriesch with that hot Julia Louis-Dreyfusch…”Did the president call?” The president never callsch, eh?

Cool Prez MacroNapoleon’s waxwork wife: Dreyfus? The Vice-Presidon iz francais? Ey, Ursula, is my wig on straight? It iz not willy wonky?

Ursula von der Leynenyourpocket: Is Timothée Chamelet here? I want to jump on his Bobby Dylan bones.

Fancy Vancy: …you need to hand back the elecshun to the Rumanian Fascist Party raght nah. Yer cain’t challenge an elecshun; we don’t do tha’ sort o’ thang in a Deemocracy like the Yoonited States of Amurrica…

Meanwhile, in Sordid Arabia, MacTrump and his delegation are taking their places at the Long Table, flown in from Moscow by President Vladimir Pudding for the Negotiations to Right Royally Shaft the Ukraine. The President of all the Russias was still in the green room, psyching himself up for the difficult task ahead – trying not to laugh at MacTrump’s ludicrously inept and ignorant comments.

Sergei Lapdog, the Russian Foreign Tyrants and Pirates Minister, shakes his jowels, as only he can shake ‘em. He comes to the door of the green room and hears the resounding tones of his leader. He pushes one jowel aside and he hooks a King Lear up to the door.

Vladimir Pudding, is reciting Shakespeare, quoting Prospero in The Tempest: Thou poisonous snake, got by the Devil himself. Upon thy wicked dam, come forth!

Pudding: I can hear your jowels wobbing around, Lapdog. Stop listening at the door and come in.

Lapdog: They’re here, Tsarovitch Pudding

Pudding: Who is with the Orange-uman?

Lapdog: Marco Plonko, Bloodbank Miller, Pete Headless and some other guys.

Putin: It’s 10am already. Pete Headless will have the shakes. You go and warm up the crowd first and I’ll make my grand entrance in a few minutes.

Sergei Lapdog rolls his eyes and wobbles his jowels: Whatever you say, Tsarovitch.

Lapdog takes his seat at the Long Table: President Pudding will be with us in a few minutes, gentlemen. Did you have a good flight?

Pete ‘Happy Hour Begins at 10am’ Hegseth: Now, listen up, Lapdog. I’m here to tell you that President MacTrump is the Best Negotiator in the History of Our Country. That’s what we call him; ‘The Negotiator’ After an intensive 10-second deliberation with The Greatest President in the History of Our Country, we are willing to let Putin keep all the land you guys occupy. Plus, we’ll throw in a trial for Zelensky for something or other and that unless the NATO countries spend 50% of their GDP on defence, which they’ll never do, we’ll get rid of it. Lastly, Ukraine will pay all your costs of the war…oh yeah, and you can keep all those thousands of kids you kidnapped. I’m warning you now, if you don’t accept these terms, we’ll have no option but to cancel the Yalta-a-Lago Project.

Lapdog: We did not kidnap any kids. They volunteered to be relocated.

MacTrump (to Rubio): Who is this Zelensky guy? Is he an ice hockey player?

Marco ‘Polo’ Rubio: He’s the president of the Ukraine.

MacTrump: Shouldn’t he be here?

Stephen ‘Nosferatu’ Miller: His presence is not required, Mr. President. Not now, not ever.

MacTrump: That’s great, really great, Stephen. Should I be here?

Miller: Oh yes. Tee-off time with Steve is not ‘til eleven, so you’ve got an hour.

MacTrump: Jeez, 50 minutes more of this? I’m playing golf with you?

Miller: No, the other Steve…Witkoff.

Mike ‘Last’ Waltz: We want payback. It’s payback tahme. We get all tha mineral and rare metal rahghts in the Ukraine fer ever and ever amen…payback, you hear what ah’m sayin’? We need all this so we can beat up on them chinkies. (to MacTrump): Mister President, can ah go an’ shoot somethin’? Ah like ta shoot somethin’ before lunch.

Lapdog: Indeed. And you are? (jowelisticulating at Steve ‘Wicked’ Witkoff)

Witkoff: We met before. I am overseeing the land gra…land purchases in Ga…the Middle East. I am Special Envoy to…

Lapdog: We play golf later, ok. Maybe a little real estate deal.

Pete glanced anxiously at his watch. It was 10.10am and he was getting the itch.

Lapdog: You drive a hard bargain, Pieter. These terms are wery tough. I will put them to the Boss. Are you feeling okay? You look a leettle peeky.

MacTrump (to Rubio): Is Springsteen here? Where’s Vlad the Inhaler?

Rubio (whispering): The Impaler, Mr. President.

MacTrump: Impaler; isn’t that a Car? I though We called Him Vlad the Inhaler coz he had Asthma.

Rubio: Err, no…it’s…never mind…

Vlad marches, in his wonky-armed robotic way, into the room and plonks himself at the head of the Long Table, a good 10 feet away from anyone else.

MacTrump: Hey, Prezzie Pudding! How’s it Going?

Pudding: Wery well, Donnie. I think our business is nearly concluded here. I just have one small request to make.

MacTrump: Fire away, Pudding.

Pudding: I really think it was better when there were two Germanys.

MacTrump: Me too. I liked watching those East German Women athletes. Big girls. Hell, Europe is Screwed. We only Tolerated Germany because of their Cars, but Elon is changing That. The Brits are Okay; y’know, the Royals and the Golf courses. The Rest ain’t worth a Damn. So, are We all Done? Those Links are calling me.

Benji Netan@yahoo enters with Baron Guy de Montrillionaire de Rothschild and the room falls silent.

Generalia Melania ‘Za-Za’ Trumpette is catwalking along the corridor that leads to her hubby’s inner sanctum; a mock-up of a MacDonalds restaurant with plastic climbing frames and a large cabinet with all the Happy Meals toys. She opens the door and enters…

MacTrump spins round with a guilty expression on his Hey Mr. Tangerine Man face and Benji Netan@yahoo looks up with an equally ‘hand caught in the cookie jar’ face.

Generalia Melania: Vot are you two doing?

MacTrump: Nothing, Nothing, we were doing Nothing, Melanie. Nobody has ever been doing Nothing more in the History of Our Country.

Netan@yahoo (his tie off kilter and his shirt hanging out): Absolutely nothing. Anything more is a malicious lie spread by the enemies of Zion.

Melania (seeming to grow in stature and her hands balling into fists): MY NAME IS MELANIA!!! (the seering, banshee-like wail melted some of the plastic climbing frame and its force lifted up MacTrump’s already dishevelled hair).

MacTrump: Sorry, my Sweet. We were Going over some…err…

Netan@yahoo: Plans, Mr. President (patting MacTrump’s hair back in place).

MacTrump: We’re making Plans for Zaza…I mean, Gaza.

Melania: Vell, it looked like you two vere getting it on.

Netan@yahoo (looking adoringly at MacTrump): That’s a malicious, antisemitic lie.

MacTrump: Absolutely. I’ve never Gotten it on in my Entire life.

Netan@yahoo: It’s unbiblical. Ungodly. Abhorrent.

MacTrump: Yeah, that’s right…unblibble…unblicibal…what he said. We Believe in the Bible. We’re…what are we, Benji?

Netan@yahoo: I’m chosen of God and you’re chosen of us.

Melania: Enough ov dis! Haf you bought Slovenia yet, laak I told yoo?

MacTrump: Stephen is on it. It’s Gonna be Great. Vladimir is on board with it.

Melania: Vell, jus do it…and enough of zat…vot you say…condoodling vith Benji.

MacTrump (thrusting his arm in the air as if at school): Ooh, I know, I know. It’s ‘Canoodling’. There (nudging Netan@yahoo), I got that one. Melani..i..ya, don’t say Anything about This to Elon. Y’know how Jealous he gets. He might not Give me my Allowance.

Melania hurrumphs and exits the mock MacDonalds.

Netan@yahoo: Look Don, we’ve got to get some things sorted out here. This is really important.

MacTrump nodded while looking longingly at the menu and dribbling a little.

Netan@yahoo: This is our 9/11; you know that, don’t you?

MacTrump: Err, yeah sure. What…err…what do you mean, Benji?

Netan@yahoo: C’mon Don, keep up. No-one can find out that we planned and set up October 7th.

MacTrump: ‘We’? I didn’t Plan anything, Benji. I Never do.

Netan@yahoo (slapping his forehead: I didn’t mean we, you and me. I meant me n’ the Roths. But all this talk about taking over Gaza, you know? People can put 2 and 2 together.

MacTrump looks sternly into space as tries to do the sum in his head.

Netan@yahoo: We’d get lynched if it ever came out. Not you. You’d get off scott free, as always

MacTrump: Scott Free…isn’t he Mr. Miracle?

Stephen ‘Nosferatu’ Miller floats into the MacDonalds.

MacTrump thinks: Did he actually open the door?

MacTrump says: Hey, Stevie Miller Band. We Gotta get these Palestinians outta Gaza. How do We do it?

Miller: How about we get RFK Jr. to run an innoculation program?

MacTrump: Genius! COVID the hell outta them. I’m glad I Thought of that. Get RFK now. Hey, what’s the ‘R’ for when his Name is Bobby?

Prez Donald Big MacTrump is in the Romper Room with his cohort of LALs (lackeys, advisors and lickasses). He’s in an exuberant, bullish mood, ready to take on the world and the back 9 of St. Andrews in January.

MacTrump: Hey, Marco!

Everyone: Polo!

MacTrump: Very funny. Marco, you’re Secretary of…err, Foreign something or other…

Marco ‘Polo’ Rubio: Of State, your…err, Trumpiness.

MacTrump: Tell that Woman in Mexico…whazzername? Cloudy Shinybum? Tell her that We’re gonna put…what Shall we say…25 or 50% on all Goods coming up from Her itty-bitty Country. Or what about 100%? I like a Hundred; it sounds like me. The best.

Rubio: You did say 25% before, Mr. President.

Pete ‘Happy Hour Starts at 10am’ Hegseth: Hell, show ‘em who’s boss, Commander-in-Chief. Let’s kick some ass. Go for the jugular.

MacTrump: What do You think, Stephen?

Stephen ‘Nosferatu’ Miller: Did someone say ‘jugular’? That’s music to my ears. Yes, Annointed One; let the blood flow, go tariffs go.

MacTrump: That’s very Poetic..al, Stephen. Hey, have You had your Teeth filed Down again?

Miller: Oh you noticed, Supreme Leader. I’m touched.

MacTrump: Ok,100% and be Damned. Don’t fight Me Uphill Boys.

Elon Skum: Hey Donnie, remember that I’m building a Tesla factory in Monterrey.

MacTrump: Are you moving back to California? I thought you hated those woke assholes.

Skum: Monterrey in Mexico, Trumpie Baby.

MacTrump (murmurring): Don’t call me that in front of others, please Elon.

Skum (in a loud voice): Ok, Donnie. Will do, but what about the tariffs?

Miller (hovering a few inches above the floor): We’ll take a look at that, Elon.

Rubio: It’ll put up the price of guacamole, Señor Presidente.

MacTrump: Holy Guacamole! Why? It’s as American as Apple Pie and Slavery.

Skum: Donnie, I’ve prepared the executive order for you to sign. It exempts any of my products from the tariffs.

MacTrump (whispering to Rubio): What does ‘exempt’ mean?

Skum: Here’s that big marker pen you like so much, Donnie. Just sign here.

MacTrump: Ok Elon. Hey, where’s that other Fella? That Vivian Ramjamsambam guy?

Miller: He’s gone, Prez, y’know. We couldn’t do nuttin’.

Bobby ‘Linctus’ Kennedy Junior enters the room with a medical kit and a nurse dressed in hunting gear.

Kennedy (clearing his throat): Mister Pres…(cough)…it’s time for…(cough)…your shot.

MacTrump: Shot?! (he ducks and Pete Hegseth leaps to cover the President with his body).

Kennedy: Your…(cough)…vitamin shot, Mister President.

MacTrump (getting up with his hair all askew and wafting around): Oh, yeah, right. Thanks Pete.

Hegseth: Can I pat your hair down into place, Commander? Can I? Please, pretty please.

MacTrump: Yeah, later Pete. I’m feeling peckish. Pop out and get me a Triple Mega MacPounder with Extra Cheese. Get one for everybody.

Hegseth holds out his hand for the money. MacTrump gives him his best mean scowl.

Hesgeth: But that’s Kristi’s job. She’s the woman. They’re for breeding and going shopping.

Kristi ‘Ab’ Noemal: Ah’m the head of Homesville Security an’ I’ll whup yer ass, Peter Megahead.

Benjamin Netan@yahoo bursts the Romper Room and holds his arms aloft in triumph. Everyone except MacTrump cheers and claps and Skum thumps his chest and thrusts out his arm.

Skum: All hail the Netan@yahoo!

Netan@yahoo: Please, please, I’m too modest. I can only claim 90% of the credit. The other 10% goes to Benni Gantz and the Jets. No SAMs, you know. Hamas and Hezbollah have no SAMs. Makes it a lot easier.

MacTrump: No Sams? What’s he Talking about?

Elon puffs out his cheeks and sighs.

Skum: Just need that relief map of Switzerland you call a signature, Don Trumpo.

MacTrump: I am like a Don. Hey, youse talkin’ tah me? Joey Gaza!!

Rubio (in a whisper): It’s ‘Zaza’ el Presidente. ‘Joey Zaza’.

MacTrump: Hell, I Know that.

Skum (now visibly irked and lurching into Afrikaan): Jus sign thah frickin’ thing, ya kont.

Netan@yahoo: Speaking of Gaza, President Perfect.  We need to convince the Palestinians that it’s in their best interests to leave. Go and live with their brethren in Egypt or Jordan or Bradford, y’know? We could build a whole lot of beachfront condos there. Get some wrinklies from Florida to move there. Can you have a word with el-Sisi, Abdullah and Keir Starmer?

MacTrump: You callin’ me a cissy? And who’s Ikea Stammerer?

Hegseth: Sir Keir Starmer, Mr. President. He’s the Prime Minister of England.

Skum: Great Britain.

Noemal: The United Kingdom.

MacTrump: Hell, he’s the PM of 3 Countries?! I’m only President of one. Fix that, Stephen.

Miller: I’ll get right on it, Mr. God’s Chosen One.

A call came through to the Hotline. Rubio answers: It’s Piddy Puff Diddy for you, President.

MacTrump: What the Hell does Piddle..Diddle, whatever his name is, want? It’d Better be a Rope to hang Himself

Skum (stroking a Persian cat): You need to make that Diddly Squat disappear, Don.

Rubio: He wants you to act as a witness, Mr. Prez.

MacTrump: Do WHAAAAAAT?! Why I outta!

Hegseth: Let me at him! I’ll use my Fox News Interro…Interview Manual.

MacTrump: What, like waterboarding?

Hegseth: No, I’ll bludgeon him to death with it. (Puts on Samuel L. voice) It’s a big mutherfuckin’ book.

Rubio: Just get Laura Ingrams to interview him. That voice will slice him up like chopped liver.

Noemal: Ooh, Marco bares his teeth. Go get ‘em tiger.

Rubio: Go get some more surgery done. Your bottom lip’s flapping around.

Hegseth: It’s always done that.

Netan@yahoo: Someone mention my favorite food?

Miller: You mean a Palestinian’s chopped liver?

Everyone laughed except the Israeli Primed and Loaded Minister, who looked at Miller and hissed. Miller hissed back.

Netan@yahoo: I’ve got an attack drone with your name on it.

Hesgeth (looking agitatatedly at his watch): President Greatness, is this meeting going to last much longer? I have…err…an appointment.

Miller: With Jim Beam?

The door of the Romper Room flies open and in strides Tom ‘Bolshie Border Czar’ Homan: Who needs whackin’? Ah’m yer man.

MacTrump: There’s my pitbull. You can start with Piddle Diddle and that Colombus asshole president. Then, I’ve got a Special Mission for you, Border Man. I want you to Train up my son, Barrrron. Make him into a Killer like his Brothers. He’s Good with the Crypto crap…wallets and whatever…but he’s a Mummy’s boy. Don’t let My wife Ivank…Ivania…Melankia…whatever her name is…know I Said that. She’ll cut all My ties in half.

Skum: Can you just sign this, Don Trumpollini? Please!

As if summoned by demonic powers, Generalia Melania ‘Za-Za’ Trumpette wafted into the War Room, swathed in endangered furs and a cloud of Chanel No. 666 (made for her and her alone): I vant to meet ziz Piddy Diddy.

A load groan reverberates around the Romper Room.

Generalia Melania: Make it heppen, Prezzie Hubbie. And I vant you to buy my old contree Slovenia. Forget zat sillee Green von.

MacTrump (to Elon): Where the Hell is Slovenly Enya?

Skum: I’ll buy it for her, Trumpy; just sign this.

This is going to be written off the cuff…no planning…no fixed ideas.

Hands up who thinks the world is on the brink of a disaster. If you’re holding your hand up; you’re right. In a previous blog, I compared (semi-jokingly) to Blofeld, the arch criminal in many James Bond films. Now, I’m not friggin’ joking.

Musk is flexing his financial/megalomaniacal muscles now in a way that has gone way beyond any reasonable limit, and the danger to this world of ours is that he now has the backing of the Leader of the Free World (well, unless you live in Greenland or the Panama Canal Zone). Really, are no alarm bells sounding? A man who has so much money at his disposal that he could buy several countries, and who is the owner/CEO of a company whose satellites are saturating outer space, a company that is sending rockets to Mars and the Great Beyond, a hugely popular and influential social media site, of Tesla and…it could go on and on. The rumour is that he’s thinking of buying Tik Tok. Who is going to stop him? He is the John D. Rockefeller of our age, but at least Standard Oil was broken up to maintain competition in the oil industry. Would Trump even dream of limiting Musk’s monopolistic ambitions? He will certainly dominate AI and robotics in the near future. Philip K. Dick was only a few years out.

His political leanings are now so far to the right that I’m waiting for that little square moustache to appear on his upper lip. And, how long will it be until we see Trump with a ring through his nose, being led around by his ‘buddy’. The Man Who Would be King was once against electric vehicles and cryptocurrencies. Now, he loves them and, of course, he’s all for deregulation in the tech industry.

Can no-one in the Republican Party see or sense the danger in such an enormously wealthy and powerful individual having so much influence on the president and his policies? Does no-one understand the phrase ‘conflict of interest’?

In his barbed attacks on the governments of other countries, Musk has left out the very country that deserves to be attacked the most; China. And why, Elon, is that? Well, I think we all know. Will he have a word in Trump’s ear about placing tariffs on goods from China? If it hurts Tesla, then he surely will.

The next four years will be crucial for all of us, not just for Americans. I have a feeling that the next president of the USA will be a Democrat…or an android.

‘This is 40’, a likeable Judd Apatow sort-of-comedy, that is funny but also a bit sad, has a telling scene at the birthday party, when Leslie Mann has a dig at her father-in-law, Albert Brooks, for being a schnorrer, a moocher, a sponger, a mumper, a scrounger…he ‘borrows’ money with no intention of paying it back.

Brooks retorts: I just figured out what your problem is – you hate Jews.

Mann counters: Don’t play the Jew card, Larry.

Brooks: I’m not playing any Jew card.

Mann: Seriously, it’s used up.

Brooks: You can’t use up a Jew card. That’s the whole point of a Jew card.

Other guest (a Jew): That’s right, You can’t use it up; it goes forever.

Do you agree? Does it go forever? Not in my book, and I’ll tell you something now. Netanyahu is fast using up Israel’s Jew card. I’ll tell you something else. Trump may blather on about Israel but that is simply an expediate way to gain support from the Jewish community and the ultra-Christian ‘rapture’ brigade. He doesn’t give a flying f### about Israel simply because he doesn’t give a flying f### about anything apart from himself and, when the doo-doo really hits the fan in the Middle East, as it will, Trump will drop Israel like a red-hot rock.

The war in the Ukraine and in the Unholy Land…well, not really a war, more of a massacre…rumble on and there are a couple of points that have been rumbling around in my head.

As we all know (you do know this, dontcha?), the USA and the UK gave the green light to launch the missiles that they have provided to the Ukrainians into Russian territory, previously being restricted to use only at Russian targets within the Ukraine. This has precipitated an escalation in the conflict, with Putin unleashing a barrage of cruise and supersonic missiles along with, what could well have been, an ICBM; an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.

Now, the mere mention of an ICBM conjures up images of Dr. Strangelove, mushroom clouds and obliterated cities. Of course, you need to attach a nuclear warhead to the ICBM but, nonetheless, it’s a slightly concerning development in the conflict.

The question springs to mind as to why the hell the USA and the UK placed this restriction on the use of their missiles in the goddamed first place? There may have been rumblings at the time about it from the Russians but, with the fleeting glimpse of a peace deal on the horizon, it really is not the appropriate moment to up the ante with Putin.

Limiting the use of the missiles was like tying one of Zelensky’s hands behind his back. The Russians have launched drones and missiles made in North Korea and Iran, so why on earth was the Ukraine hampered in fighting its war? Now, there are even North Korean boots on Russian ground, so why don’t Biden and Starmer tell Putin that he’s a complete hypocrite and to go soak his head?

Israel continues to pound the hell out of Hezbollah, Hamas, innocent civilians in Gaza and the Lebanon and even Syrians (and Iranians in Syria). We have been reliably informed that both Hamas and Hezbollah both have an enormous quantity of rockets and missiles; in the case of Hezbollah, zillions of the nasty things. But, and it’s an enormous BUT, what about anti-aircraft missiles?!

Israel enjoys complete freedom of the skies; the only possibility is for an Israeli helicopter to be shot down. Of course, to bring down a modern aircraft requires a lot of technology but instead of arming themselves with what essentially are thousands of fireworks, they should have thought about placing an order for some up-to-date ground-to-air defences…at the very least some bloody Bofors guns.

The last titbit is that the International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Benjamin Netanyahu, Yoav Gallant and Mohammed Deif of Hamas, but the latter has been pronounced ‘brown bread’ by the Israelis.

Now, I hardly think that this will cause Netanyahu and Gallant any sleepless nights but it does confirm what many have thought for a while (some Jewish people included) that the wholesale slaughter of the innocents in Gaza, the West Bank and now the Lebanon is indeed a crime against humanity and, what’s more important for some, it’s a crime against God. Yet, of course, the whole basis for justifying their actions is that this same God gave the Jewish people the Holy Land for all eternity.

Biden has called the issue of the arrest warrants “outrageous” at the same time as 66 Palestinians were killed by Israeli ‘precision’ bombing in the town of Beir Lahia; this included yet more women and children, and a further 22 people killed in Gaza City (whatever is left of it). As usual, the Israelis trotted out the same old ‘we issued a warning…we tried to prevent civilian casualties…blah blah; exactly they same thing they have been saying for over a year. 44,000 people dead in Gaza and God knows how many more crippled for life and indelibly traumatised. How many of those have been Hamas fighters? 5%? 10%?

I wish people would have the good grace to leave God out of the bullshit that they think, say and do.

Is that it? There was an election and Trumpman won. Nothing more? No January 6th-style protest? No accusations of the Republicans rigging the election? Joe and Kamala meekly cede the presidency to the Man Who Would be Dictator. No bang, just a whimper. It was left to Vladimir ‘Our Friend in the East’ Putin to try and disrupt the voting with bomb threats – couldn’t the Democrats have done that? Perhaps the Dems are simply too…errr, democratic.

Netan@yahoo must be cock-a-hoop, so much so that he reacted with all of his usual grace and legality by getting a law passed by the Knesset that allows him to deport the immediate relatives of Israeli Arabs/Palestinians who have committed or merely supported acts of terrorism. Now, bear in mind that we are not just talking about Palestinians here, but also Israeli citizens. How the hell can you deport your own citizens? To where? THEY ARE ISRAELIS BENJI!! Given that around 20% of the population of Israel is made up of Arab Israeli citizens, it’s obvious that this is just another step in ethnically cleansing the country.

Would this law apply to Israeli Jews who commit acts of terrorism? No. Why? Because when a Jew kills a Palestinian in the West Bank, or burns his house down, or slaughters his goats, it is not considered to be terrorism; it’s merely ejecting a squatter from the land that God gave to the Jews in perpetuity. Jeez, God really does love a sinner.

So back to the Trumpman Show; we have 4 years of wonderfully chaotic entertainment to look forward to, with the added attraction of a world war at the end of it. You don’t think so? It won’t happen in your lifetime? Yeah, just like global warming and a pandemic.

Putin has something on Trump; he must do. When Trump was developing the New York skyline in the 80s, he had to come into contact with the Mob; that was unavoidable…the union dues, the no-shows…we all watched the Sopranos. Then, that led on to him being connected to the Russian Mafia. Later on, he decided to build a hotel in Moscow and that could not have happened without the Mobski being involved…and the KGB/GRU and Putin. Nothing happens in Russia without Putin putting his ore in and plucking his cut out. Elon Musk is the wealthiest person in the world? On stocks and shares paper maybe, but in concrete terms, that prize might well go to Vlad The Bear Wrestler.

I daresay that Zelensky is pleading with Sleepy Joe as I write this – “c’mon Mr. President, send us lots of money and weapons before that comedian gets into the White House.” If I were the lame duck president, I’d be banging out those executive orders sharpish – which, in Joe’s case means about 2 a day before he takes his 16-hour afternoon nap.

The democratic majority of the US voters might be ecstatic over Trump’s almight comeback but I really don’t imagine that the Joint Chiefs of Staff are. They know what’s coming – Donald J pulls the rug out under the feet of the long-suffering Ukrainians and forces them to accept a ‘peace’ deal that leaves their occupied territory in Putin’s hands, their adbucted kids in the clutches of the re-education police and their membership of NATO and the EU in tatters.

Emboldened by this, Putin turns his attention to neighbouring Moldova and Georgia (no, not the state in the USA!), whose elections have already been subject to Russian interference. When the Western powers sit on their Neville Chamberlain hands over this, Vlad the NATO Slayer turns his greedy gaze towards Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. He gets his Belorussian henchman, Lukashenko, to cause a border incident and he calls for Russian support against the aggressor. The European NATO members look to the Trumpman for his reaction. Putin reminds him of that incriminating video so he tells them: “You didn’t pay your dues so now you’re screwed.” War breaks out.

China sees that Putin has got his way and Xi Jinping orders an all-out assault on Taiwan.

North Korea sees that Xi has got his way and Kim Jon-un orders an all-out assault on South Korea.

Netan@yahoo orders an all-out assault on everyone.

Trump starts to deport illegal immigrants and orders that the border wall be erected along the middle of the Rio Grande and Rio Bravo, with trained suicide dolphins on patrol to blow up any migrants who slip through.

The Trumpman plays his banjo while the world burns…but he does manage to keep inflation down.  

In a recent article in this blog, I talked about empires and, in particular, the US Empire. What US Empire, you ask? The one that existed in a purely physical sense, beginning by grabbing a huge swathe of land that belonged to Mexico. Once the industrial powerhouse was established, the tentacles began to spread outwards and Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Philippines, Hawaii, Guam, Samoa, the Northern Mariana and the Virgin Islands quickly became part of the US repertoire (there are 9 other islands and atolls but they are uninhabited).

But where did it all actually start? With the Birdshit Islands! Yep, the US Empire was built on guano, or bird crap. Somehow symbolic? This fertiliser helped to enrich the nutrient-depleted soil of US farms and those good ol’ boys just got bigger and stronger as a result.

Ah, but that was in the past. Hawaii was made a state (after being annexed), the Philippines gained its independence in 1946 and the others are territories, although the Puerto Ricans would appear to want their island to be the 51st state of the Union.

So, why an empire? Military bases – if you know anyone from the USA, ask him or her how many military bases there are around the world. Personally, I knew that there are many but I was imagining around 100 and not the 750 that there actually are. Yesiree Bob, SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY in 80 different countries. There are 30 bases on the Japanese island of Okinawa alone (it’s a big island). I assumed that there was just 1 big one. Ok, some of those bases around the world are merely airstrips with very few personnel but one base in Germany has 9,000 troops (not far off the number of troops in the British army).

Taking this into account, it does seem a bit churlish of the Americans to gripe about Chinese expansionism in the South China Sea and the Pacific and Putin’s designs on emulating Peter the Great in re-establishing the Russian Empire.

“I was just scrambling. I was in the shower – my hair’s wet so I’m just grabbing everything, throwing on the first clothes I have and running to the shelter. The biggest feeling is “just fear and panic”.

Marielle moved to Israel from the US three years ago. She relates here the dash to the shelter when the rockets came over from the Lebanon. These attacks, she says, are “a really insane reality I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around. It’s unfathomable to a lot of people how a rocket barrage like that could happen, terrorist attacks, and you’re just expected to carry on.”

And this on the same day that yet another Israeli strike on Gaza killed 51 people in Khan Younis, a further strike killed 3 people in Damascus, and over 1000 people have been killed in Lebanon.

So Marielle, firstly, were you not aware of the fact that Israel had been in conflict with its neighbours for nearly 80 years before you moved there? Having to go to a shelter with wet hair must have been a deeply traumatising experience but trying to dig out the crushed bodies of your family and neighbours with your bare hands from the rubble of your apartment building is just a tad more difficult to deal with.

You carry on, don’t you, Marielle, just like the Palestinians in Gaza have had to do for a year, with their homes destroyed, their livelihoods eliminated and their families wiped out. Last week, An Israeli strike that targeted a local Hamas leader killed 22 people, of which 13 were children. Their little bodies were ripped apart, with 8 more kids needing to have limbs amputated. So Marielle, take some time to consider these people before you bitch about having wet hair.

Killing 22 people to take out one single Hamas operative is an acceptable kill ratio, Marielle? Your prime minister and his war cabinet obviously think so. As long as an Israeli spokesman (they are always men) assures us that a warning was issued about 12 seconds before these strikes happen, then their consciences are clear and they will be welcomed into Paradise when they die.

How about the pilots who fly these missions? Do they sleep well at night? Surely they must think: “Am I going to kill a bunch of kids today?” as they take off in their US-made F-16s.

Speaking of pilots, yet again Great Britain decided to get involved in the conflict by authorising the RAF to help destroy rockets and missiles launched by Iran. Given the rather piddly size the UK armed forces, it’s reasonable to assume that this involved a handful of British warplanes and that their effect was minimal. Now Iran has issued this statement:

“Should any country render assistance to the aggressor, it shall likewise be deemed an accomplice and a legitimate target.”

So, you Brits, expect more terrorist attacks in the future, whether they be bombs planted in concert halls, random knife attacks in the street, or vehicles ploughing into pedestrians, they’ll be coming your way real soon. Be stoic, be British.

Why does Britain need to get involved; just so it can prove to Israel and the US what a jolly great friend it is? In all of their wars, the US has the Brits by is lapdog side, gazing rather disparigingly at all the marvellous American hardware. Kuwait, the invasión of Iraq, Afghanistan, the attacks on Syria…it appears that the UK still needs to flex is imperial muscles and show to the world that it’s still got some of that old, Churchillian, bulldog spirit, by jove. Bloody stupid if you ask me.

“Today, President Donald J. Trump brought Presidents Putin and Zelensky together to sign the peace accord that Trump negotiated with both leaders, a momentous achievement given the length and nature of the conflict between Russia and the Ukraine. President Zelensky looked downhearted as he signed the agreement that leaves all of the Ukrainian territory presently occupied by Russian armed forces in Putin’s hands and forces Zelensky to order the withdrawal of his forces in the Kursk area. Furthermore, all of the thousands of Ukrainain children who have been abducted and taken to Russia will remain there. Russia will not pay any reparations for the reconstruction of Ukrainian towns, cities and infrastructure.”

Further conditions of the deal mean that Ukraine will never join NATO and that President Zelensky will have to step down. He was quoted as saying: “After three years of struggle and deprivation and in spite of the devastation caused in my country and the thousands of my countryfolk killed and wounded, we have no choice but to accede to Putin’s demands. The withdrawal of support from the USA and its threat to withdraw from NATO has meant that the member states of that organisation have been forced to end their support as well. As a nation, we have endured so much…”

This won’t happen, will it? Surely, after supporting the Ukraine for so long, the USA will not desert its ally? Well, this is the only way that Trump will achieve his “peace deal in 24 hours that he has claimed he will bring about.

In 1938, Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain came back from Munich waving a piece of paper that he announced would mean “peace in our time”. He has gone down in history as a gullible buffoon, who essentially gave the green light to Hitler to annex the Sudetenland and, subsequently, launch the invasion of Poland. Can we compare Putin with Hitler? Both systematically eroded any sense of democracy and free speech in their countries. Both eliminated political opponents. Indeed, gravity must be a lot stronger in Russia than in other countries as it literally sucks Putin’s opponents out of hotel and hospital windows on a regular basis.

Surely Trump cannot be dumb enough to think that Putin will stop there? Trump said that Russia could “do whatever the hell they want” to NATO countries that don’t pay up in full. Sure, other border countries are members of NATO, so invading them would bring the UK, Germany, France et al into the conflict, but if Trump is serious in his lack of commitment to NATO or even to leave it, what resolve would the other countries have to, essentially, trigger World War 3? “Latvia, Lithuania? Who cares! I don’t even know where they are.” This is what you will hear.

Trump also said: “There’s nobody that’s better, smarter or a better leader than Viktor Orbán.” Hungary’s leader has constantly sided with Putin and has been sanctioned by the EU for his attacks on press freedom, judicial independence and the LGBTQ+ community. He has show skant regard for the rule of law and democratic values; small wonder that Trump likes him.

Before a lot of American start shouting “Why should we carry on paying for the war?” or “Why should our boys die in Europe to defend some Europeans?” maybe they should consider this simple fact. The Americans did not win the War of Independence against Great Britain alone. They had help. A hereditary monarchy helped a fledgling republic win the struggle to free it from the clutches of another hereditary monarchy. For 4 years, France provided much-needed supplies, arms and ammunition and, crucially, naval support. The French navy blockaded ports, preventing British ships from supplying their forces with equally much-needed supplies. Ironically, the French monarchy was overthrown around 15 years later, in a revolution inspired by the American one.

Now, what if France had decided that supporting the war was too expensive and had withdrawn that support after a couple of years? The phrase “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” came from the Simpsons and caught on in the US. T-shirts had the slogan “Iraq first, France next!” and the phrase “freedom fries” appeared after France’s opposition to the ill-fated invasion of Iraq, so can you imagine what Americans would feel about the French if they had done a runner in 1780?

If Trump does pull the rug out from under the feet of the Ukrainians, the USA will lose any credibility that it still has in the world. ‘Make American great again’? You’ve gotta be kidding.