Exploding Pelosi

MacTrump: Hey Pete, what’s this about an Exploding Sandwich that penetrates Body Armor? We need it and we need it Fast before the Chinks get Their grubby little Mitts on it.

Pete ‘Happy Hour Starts at 10am’ Hegseth (it’s now 11am and his hands are beginning to tremble): I…I can’t really tell you anything…forgive me, Mr. Wonderful, an exploding sandwich?

MacTrump: You don’t Watch the News? If the Russkis get their Handskis on it, they’ll Make it into A Supersonic Sandwich in Two Shakes of a Bear’s tail.

Pete (thinking) Do bears have tails? (Speaking): I’ll get on it right away, Supreme Commander. You say it penetrates body armor? That’s…err, a little dificult to believe…

Stephen ‘Nosferatu’ Miller: If His Magnificence says that it pentrates body armor, then you can be sure that it does. By the way, Exalted Leader, congratulations on breaking the course record the other day. Wonderful stuff.

Mac Trump (thinking and saying at the same time): Did I play golf the other day?

Miller: Yes, when you were in Japan.

MacTrump: Was I in Japan? I Remember a lot of Short, Slitty-eyed people. I Broke the Course Record? Well, I Guess I must’ve Done. I usually Do. Actually, I’m thinking of Joining the Seniors Circuit when I’m Done ending Wars and Making the World Great Again.

JD Vance (his eyes lighting up); Does that mean Your Highness doesn’t intend to run again?

Miller: Oh please, Prophet of the One True God, says it ain’t so. The Universe needs you.

MacTrump: I Didn’t say that, did I? I’ll Have to Hang up my Sharpie one Day but…

Marco ‘Polo’ Rubio: There is the…err…little matter of the Constitution, sir…

Miller: How dare you interrupt His Gloriness!

Rubio visibly shrinks under the scowling glare of the President.

Rubio: I didn’t mean to cut you short, Mr. President. I was merely…

MacTrump: I know What you were Doing, Marco.

JD Vance sniggers inwardly, thinking: That’s one rival out of the race.

At the same moment, all the cell phones in the room start pinging.

Pete: Oh my God! Pelosi’s going!

MacTrump: Nancy? That Sweet Piece of Witchy Ass is going where?

JD Vance: She’s quitting. She’s leaving Congress

MacTrump: If only She was Seventy Years Younger. Ah, Nancy with the Laughing Face.

All look at each other, waiting for someone else to say something.