Meanwhile in Tel Aviv

Netan@yahoo: How did the praying go?

Atamar Ben-Gvir (formerly an East End barrow boy): It was mutton, bruv. I really messed wiv their ‘eads.

Net: That you did, At Man. Any actual praying?

BG: Oh sure: I prayed really like fervently that all the Palestinians would vanish off the face o’ the earth.

Net: Like that film about all the Mexicans in California who suddenly disappear.

BG: Oh yeah…and there ain’t no-one to clean the houses n’ tend the gardens n’ stuff.

Net: Yeah, we might have to think about that.

BG: Anyway, what’s ‘appenin’ wiv King Couiffure? He’s been dissin’ us lately. What’sat all about?

Net: It’s all show. He’s the PR man.

BG: Maybe, but all this recognition of Palestine malarkey is gettin’ well out of ‘and, bruv.

Net: We can ride out the storm. Although a 9/11 would come in right handy right now.

BG: That’s a bit dodgy, innit? People might put two n’ two togevvah.

Net: Nothing big. Maybe kill an ambassador, like in Libya.

BG: Yep, that could work. Maybe in London. That’d bring Starmer to heel. He’s been bang outta order of late.

Net: Or Paris. After all, we did help Macron get elected. Short memory, that fella.

BG: Yeah, do ‘is missus. She gives me the willies.

Net: Why?

BG: Y’know, she don’t look real. It’s like she’s somethin’ outta Men in Black. Her face is gonna peel back an’ a little alien’s gonna pop out. Y’know wha’ I mean?

Net: Nah, we can’t do his wife. That’s a bit OTT. That’s got to be a wig though, hasn’t it?

BG: Yeah, for sure that’s a syrup. It never changes.

Net: D’you reckon she was a man?

BG: Dunno; indeterminate, I’d say. The face ain’t real, man. It’s sculpted. ‘Ere, why don’t we organise somefin’ fer a few Euro countries, y’know? Get ‘em all back on our side.

Net: Not a bad idea, At. Anyway, getting back to Gaza; have you bought up any land yet? You wanna get in quick before all the best bits get snapped up.

BG: Yeah, I got me mince pies on a nice bit o’ beachfront property, like. What d’yer fink about a casino?

Net: Ah well…hmmm…you know what a lot of the ultras think about gambling. Not completely kosher.

BG: Yeah, but it ain’t prohibited, is it? We could aim it at the goyim tourists. The ragheads can’t officially, but so what? They spend a lot o’ time in casinos in London an’ Vegas. The Big D would go for it, I’ll bet. Or his sons at least.

Net: I’ll give Jared a call.

BG: ‘Ave a word wiv the Big Man as well. I fink tha’ we’re gonna need an injection of cash soon. Y’know, to buy off these protest groups.

Net: I’ll give him a call when the sun goes down.