MacTrump: Obliterated, I tell you, obliterated. I mean, He was standing next to me one Moment and the next He is a steaming puddle of red Goo, the Likes of which We’ve never seen before, and Will never see Again. It was Spectacular…terrible…Spectacularly terrible…you Just Had to see It with your Own eyes.
Generalia Melania Trumpette: So vy iz he on ze TV right now, Donnie wonnie, eh? For a steaming poddle of red goozy woozy, he looks very healthy.
MacTrump: Say what?
Melania: Look for yorzelf, Meester Prez.
MacTrump: Pete! Marco! Tulsi!
Melania: Zey von’t appear out of sin air, Donnie. You haf to call zem on yor phon. Tulsi Gabbadene? Vy do you vont her?
MacTrump: She’s my Head of…errm, Head of Intelligent…something…
Melania: But you say she iz incompetent. You vont to shag her, don’t you?
MacTrump: C’mon! No, of course Not. She’s not my Type. I don’t…no absolutely Not. No. Not ever. Never. No…
Melania: You lie like you play golf.
The phone rings.
MacTrump (looking relieved): Ah Pete. What the Fuck is going on? I’m looking at Benji on the TV and the Last time we Saw him, he was a Puddle of Steaming, red Goo.
Hegseth (guzzling a large Martini): It’s…incomprehensible, King Donald I. I just got off the phone with Tez Cruz and he said that Netan@yahoo has been resurrected, like…well, you-know-who.
MacTrump: You mean like Ladizlav?
Hegseth: Who? Ah no…not him…like Him, our Saviour.
MacTrump: That means I’m not the Messiah?
Melania: Oh, my God, vot a couple of clowns. It’s a doble
Hegseth thinks: How does she know that? She can’t see what I’m drinking.
MacTrump: What do You mean?
Melania: Oh Donnie, how have you made if zis far? All ze great leaders have dobles. Or trebles. Vladimir Pudding has many. You know, for ze assassinations an’ tings.
MacTrump: Why haven’t I got one? Pete, Why don’t I have a double?
Hegseth (wishing that he hadn’t called the president): I’ll get on it right away, Supreme Leader.
MacTrump: Ah Pete, that’s what They call the Aytalolollah (Melania sniggers). I like Supreme Commander. Hey, you wanna Caddy for me this Weekend? My regular Guy has been Deported.
Hegseth (thinking): Shit, I was gonna go get my bunker buster bomb tattoo. (He says): It would be a great honor, Supreme Commander.
MacTrump: Hey, get in Touch with Tom Cruise to see if He wants to be my Double.
Melania howls with laughter.
Minority News Report 