If Everyone is Defending Themselves, Who is Doing all the Attacking?

A joint MacTrump/Netan@yahoo news conference.

MacTrump: Ok, first question from Fox News

Pete: Salutations, Supreme Leader and Most Exalted Human Being.

MacTrump: Hey Pete, what are you doing here. It’s 11am already.

Pete: I had the morning off from the Defense of the USA, so Fox said that I could ask you some penetrating questions.

MacTrump: OK Pete, shoot.

Everyone in the room ducks.

Netan@yahoo: We have a jumpy audience, Don.

Hegseth: What did you have for breakfast, Commander-in-Chief of the Free World?

A groan rumbles around the room.

Netan@yahoo: I can answer that, Pete. Israel has the divine right to obliterate anyone it wishes to and anyone who disagrees with that is an anti-Semitic Holocaust denier who will burn in Gehinnon for all eternity.

A BBC reporter: Mr. President, are you willing to order a US strike on targets in Iran?

MacTrump: We’ll have to see. Nothing is…y’know, off the table, or on the table or maybe even under the table. We gotta have a look at this and come up with a way to destroy Iran without killing anybody, coz y’know, I hate wars. I don’t like wars. They’re messy and it’s hard to do business. But they can’t have a bomb. They won’t have it. We gotta make a deal. Iran’s gotta make a deal or we’ll rain down on them a biblical…y’know, thing, the likes of which no-one’s ever seen before. Who are you, by the way? Oh, you’re from the BBC. You’re a goddamed, terrorist-loving commie. Get the hell outta here!

BBC reporter: But I have a press pass for this news conference.

Netan@yahoo: Who let that baby-beheading murderer in here. Security!

Another reporter: Prime Minister, why do you assume that Iran would launch a nuclear missile at Israel as soon as it makes one?

Netan@yahoo: There is a special place in your Christian hell reserved for you.

Another reporter: You justify the attacks on Iran by saying that it is a despotic, dictatorial regime that subjugates its own people; isn’t that how Israel is acting against the Palestinians?

MacTrump: How dare you Come in here and Ask tough questions. Get him the hell outta here! Ok, I’ll take another question from Pistol Pete.

Hegseth: Mr. President, would you say that you are the best president that the US of A has ever had?

Netan@yahoo: I’ll answer that. President Trump is the Greatest Leader this country has ever had and the Greatest Friend that Israel has ever had. Even better than Oscar Schindler, and may God strike me dead if I’m lying.

A thunderous flash pierces the outside wall of the conference room and leaves a steaming red puddle of globbedy-goo where Netan@yahoo was standing.

MacTrump shakes his head and says: God’s angels are protecting me. I am the Messiah.

Hegseth kneels and says: Truly he is the Anointed One.