Oh No, Not NATO II

General Squarejaw McGraw: Supreme Commander; we’re glad you’re here.

General John ‘The Land of Cotton’ Nukeome (under his breath): Y’all speak fer yoursel’.

MacTrump: This’d better be Serious, Squarejaw. I was About to be Interviewed by Laura and you Know how it Always has a Happy Ending.

Generalia Melania Trumpette (Uniforms Division): Ah, Prezzie Hubby. You look wery…burnt.

MacTrump: Melankia, my Raisin Debtor. What are You doing…?

Squarejaw: The First M’Lady could be useful in this discussion, O Mighty Slayer of Infidels.

Pete Hegseth (with the 11am shakes): I told Him already. About Slovenia.

Generalia Melania: My countree! My beloved homeland.

MacTrump: Sure, that’s right…Slovle…Slovenly…don’t tell me…Slovelania. Are We going to Annex it?

General Nukeome: They’re in the Ukraine, Commander.

MacTrump looked around for help.

Squarejaw: The Slovenians.

MacTrump looked around for help again.

Generalia Melania: Oh, for heawen’s sake, hubbee. Slovenia, my home countree has sent zeir trops to Ukranya.

MacTrump: And that’s a Bad Thing, I guess.

Admiral Hitchcock H. ‘Ironclad’ Harriman III: This here sityuashun cud git outta hay-and prutty damned quickly.

MacTrump looked around for help yet again.

Squarejaw: Slovenia is a member of NATO, Commander.

MacTrump: Ah now I Getcha…

Pete Hegseth: But the Slovenian forces are in the Ukraine, O Supremo, and that is not NATO territory.

Squarejaw: But if them Ruskis attack the Slovs, then we need to step up, siiir.

MacTrump: Do we? Y’know, our Boys over there in Europe…Nylons, unwanted Babies… It could get Nasty. Pudding won’t Like it one Little bit.

Squarejaw: But we’re the Yunided States of Amuurrica, siir. Charlie don’t surf!

MacTrump (to Stephen ‘Nosferatu’ Miller, who had wafted, silently, into the War Room): We’ve got Navy Seal Surfers?

‘Land of Cotton’ Nukeome: Aall doo respect, Square, them Russians ain’t no pushoever.

Generalia Melania: Now, now, ghentlemen, zeir is no discussion here. Ve must help my cuntreefolkpeople. Ve must! Right, Presidonnie?

Miller: Supreme Commander, Headless is right. It only applies if NATO forces are attacked in NATO countries.

Melania looking daggers at Miller. They drew back their lips and hissed at each other, What We Do in the Shadows-style.

Marco ´Polo´Rubio: The Russians aren’t as strong as Putin makes out, Mr President.

MacTrump (to Rubio): Oh Marco, I hadn’t Noticed you were Here.

Squarejaw: Hell n’ dagnabbit! I wanna kill me some Ruskis!

Generalia Melania (standing face to face with her husband and says in a viper hiss): Zo, my chunky hubby, vot vill you do?

MacTrump: I Can’t start World War 3, my Buttercup. They won’t give Me the Nobel Peace Prize if I do That.

She leans forward and whispers in MacTrump’s ear: You remember zat I ‘ave the recordings of zose naughty tigs zat you did.

MacTrump blushes, although it isn’t noticeable with his burnt umbra face: Put our Troops on Alert, General Squarejaw.