Jeremy Punt, Boris Johnson’s second and PPPL (Posh Private Personal Lackey) was in a pensive mood.
“What perturbs you, Punt?” asked the LDPM (Lame Duck Prime Minister).
“Was it wise to choose flintlock pistols? Couldn’t you have just challenged him to a bicycle race or a game of chess?”
“Admirable activities, Punt, but we need drama ingens, not something that Jack Slackpants does every day or would bore the boxers off of most people.”
“But you could die, or be seriously injured.”
“Ach, I’m sure Vladimir Pudding’s people are telling him the same thing. That’s exactly why I chose traditional duelling pistols. It maintains a sense of tradition, and tradition is what this country stands for. Besides, after being PM, the only way is down, so what is there for me now except to be a 17th Lancer; a Death or Glory boy. Alea iacta est.”
Jeremy Punt puffed out his cheeks and said: “So be it. It’s off to Lithuania we go.”
“On the border with Russia, I take it?”
“Not exactly. With Belarus…same thing really,” said Jeremy.
Boris was almost hopping with excitement. “If I pull this off, I’ll challenge Sir Queer Self-Harmer to a duel.”
Minority News Report 