Let’s try something here. Now, lie back and relax, starting from your toes, moving up through your feet and ankles, now your calves and thighs…everything relaxed, no stress, no tension. Now let that warm, soothing feeling rise up through your tummy and your chest and down through your arms and hands, Your neck and shoulders are being bathed in a amber glow of Lindt chocolate smoothness. Your head is floating in a pool of honeyed manna. You are still; you are calm; the world has quietened down and come to a gentle halt.
Now, wake the f*** up and smell the maple nut crunch!! Barely is the General Election done and dusted and, if I may say so, why all the great shock about Labour’s abject performance at the polls? A) it was already predicted in opinion polls and B) Jeremy Corbyn. Many in the party were blaming him for the debacle but come on – you knew that he was unpopular with voters so why did you not ditch the Islington Left of Leninist, who, as PM, would have nationalised the nation in its entirety, had the Royal Family summarily executed at Ekaterinborough and ordered their corgis donated for pit bull training.
So, what is the first thing that Boris the Bounder does after his stonking victory? He goes and bollocks it all up by announcing that there will be no extension to the transitional period and the UK will detach itself completely from the Europä Überstomperabteilung, come what may, by the 31st December 2020. Oh Boris, why, why, WHY? You don’t have to put all that enormous pressure on the trade deal negotiators. The important thing is not just to leave the EU but to do so with deal that will be of the maximum benefit to the UK economy. So many small business depend on trade with the EU countries and if they have to pay tariffs and go through the customs rigmarole, this will make them less attractive/more costly for EU companies. What the hell difference does it make if it’s the end of December 2020 or the end of April 2021? More than 4 years after the referendum, would a few of months more really hurt? After all that has happened; the endless arguments, debates, votes, wranglings, deals, court cases, Bercows, DUPs, SNPs, LibDems, Rees-Moggs…we will still be at the Gates of the Dreaded No-Deal, something that, allegedly, no-one wants…or do they? If it’s such a terrible scenario, why in God’s name is Boris ready, willing and able to risk it when it’s simply not necessary?
You may be familiar with a video that was circulating, accusing Nigel Farage of playing down the chances of the leave vote winning, leading up to the referendum, in order that his chums in the City could make a killing in the futures and currency exchange markets when the results of the referendum were announced. Strike a chord? The pound leapt like a spawing salmon on the news of Boris’ landslide victory and then slumped like a losing FA Cup finalist on the news of the no extension. So, you can bet your bottom dollar/pound/euro/bitcoin that a chunk of ex-public schoolpersons/ex-barrow boys made enough on that little currency blip to pay for their Pimms for the next decade.
Boris is giving his negotiating team about a year to come up with a free trade deal. More than enough time, you may be thinking, but let’s have a gander at the much-mentioned Canada deal that was signed with the EU. It began at a study that was released in 2008 and negotiations started in 2009; an agreement in principle was signed in 2013 and negotiations concluded in 2014. The trade agreement was officially presented in 2014 and then the business of the final wording and translation into the different languages of the EU was inititated, with some parts of the agreement being provisionally implemented only in 2017; 8 years from negotiations to partial implementation. Remember that this agreement covers goods, not services and what makes up the majority of the UK’s commercial dealings? The services industries.
So, a comprehensive trade deal all agreed upon, signed and implemented in a year between the UK and the EU? Maybe, if they work on it at light-year speed, 24/7 with no time off for good behaviour, but it’s still a virtually impossible ask. Trade deals are complicated to put it mildly and while the EU wants a deal with the UK, certain conditions will be sacrosanct. The EU and every country knows full well that Boris is gagging to sign a trade deal and, therefore, has no ‘hand’ – he will blather on about Britain being great and a world leader in…something, and being…well, British, but everyone knows that, although the UK is a pretty wealthy country in general with aging nukes, its overall influence in the world is minimal.
If Boris is so intent on making it really tough to agree a trade deal with the EU in the time allowes, is it that he is really angling for a trade deal with the USA and other countries instead of the EU? A NAFTA, with the A for ‘Atlantic’ instead of ‘American’? Trump has already made it clear that a deal with the EU, and all its restrictions, would damage the chances of a comprehensive deal with the USA. Or Boris could simply be hanging the threat of a no or limited deal over the EU in the hope of a bargaining chip for giving the UK as favourable deal as possible in the very limited time-frame. Dangerous Boris, very dangerous. Playing chicken with a juggernaut when you are driving a Nissan Micro is pretty dumb. If things don’t work out as planned, it could all blow up in your pasty, rotund boat race and you’ll be left with a lot of egg on it….and the UK in the doggie doo-doo.
Minority News Report 