In a shock, but not wholly unexpected, move today, President Trump removed himself from office. When asked why he had taken this drastic measure, he replied: “Vladimir Putin said that I should keep on firing people. I’ve fired everyone else, including Mike Pence and the White House cleaners last week. The White House is pretty big, you know, and having to clean it myself left me no time to watch Nickelodeon Kids and I don’t like to miss Paw Patrol. It’s been my inspiration for so many of my amazing presidential decisions. Also, I’ve learned some big words, like…errr…inspiration. I think that firing myself is a tremendous decision and it will give me more time to work on my swing and my tan.”
A CNN reporter asked him if his fan was fake. “That’s a fake question. You can’t ask questions like that. I’m the President of the United States. You’re a disgrace. You’re fired!”
Asked by a Washington Post reporter why he used so many capital letters when it wasn’t necessary, Trump exploded: “You work for a Fake Newspaper! I was German in a former Life! You’re fired!”
An inflatable, fake Fox News reporter pointed out: “But you fired yourself, Mr….err, ex-President.”
“Well honeybunch, I can see that my fake country needs me, so I’m re-instating myself. I’m back. Better than ever. A true statesman. A true Sex God. I am Trump.”
Minority News Report 